I love planning things for my friends. When they visit me in the Gambia, I plan it. When they come to my house for a weekend, I plan it. I’m a tour guide at heart. I like introducing my people to something new, a food, a place, a craft they didn’t know they’d love.
My circle is small, so the ladies get my quirks full throttle. The tea is always piping hot. I have fun hosting, and they have fun experiencing. They arrive and leave with no notes.
My mother threw dinner parties. I don’t. However, because I’m her daughter, I do things my own unique way.
I don’t seat anyone in my dining room. The closest I get to a sit-down is one group meal at the big patio table. What I throw is a theme. I pick one, build a tasting menu or an activity around it, and spread it through the house. Downstairs. The patio. The screened porch. The upper garden. Nobody stays in one chair for three hours. My friends also know there’s a clock on my “togetherness” time. I cherish my own company, and having people at my house half the day and night is a no-no for my mental health.
Guests who notice the napkins aren’t judging your budget. They’re checking whether you thought it through. A guest who sees that somebody decided where the afternoon starts, where it goes, and when it ends relaxes. A tasting menu gives you that. Five courses, light to heavy, each with its own space and its own drink, ending in one full plate.
My last theme was a hen party. Here’s how the afternoon ran, 3 to 6 pm:
1. Welcome, at 3:00. Everyone heads to the backyard. I greet them on the main patio with a small clear cup of chicken salad with a skewer standing in it. Green grape, strawberry, and a mint leaf on top. It sits on a 4-inch china plate of my mother’s with four crackers. A glass of chilled Lambrusco.
2. Upper Garden, at 3:30. Theme: “Tropic Like It’s Hot.” Huli-Huli Skewers.
3. Screened Porch, at 4:00. Theme: “She Came Glazed and Unbothered.” Lemon Garlic Glazed Hen Pieces with a sliver of sourdough.
4. Main patio, at 4:30. Theme: “Hen on the Block.” Street Nachos with Shredded Hen.
5. Patio table area, at 4:50. Theme: “Fried, Fine, and Fabulous.” Fried Hen in a personal-sized Waffle Bowl. The group sit-down and the full plate, with the last hour and ten minutes to linger.
Every station after the welcome has its own signature drink in a little cooler. Guests help themselves. I mix it up. Some stations pour alcohol and some pour mocktails. I have an extensive bar, and mocktails are inexpensive. Some parties open with charcuterie cups instead, in clear disposable cups next to the signature drink. Sometimes I add a soup shot and a few charcuterie-style mix-ins with a little bread. The rule stays the same. A small, planned bite comes first.
I don’t assign a dress code. Sometimes a color, but usually it’s come as you are. My girls are well dressed, so I never need to specify. Chill old school music plays the whole time, always. Small dance breaks happen often, and so does reminiscing.
Now the money. I usually budget $100 to $150 for everything, drinks included, and land at the low end. For 10 people, that’s $10 to $15 a head. A 2025 catering guide puts casual party catering at $15 to $35 per person. My budget sits under the cheapest catered plate.
This party cost me even less. Each guest dropped off 2 Cornish hens ahead of the date. I made everything and bought the accompaniments. Most of my guests are sister-friends, so they bring something or buy part of the craft. That keeps my cost down, and people don’t mind spending around $10 for a fun afternoon. They bring the bird. I bring the plan.
My mother’s china goes into rotation. A 4-inch plate holds a cup and four crackers. It gets used.
Every guest leaves with something. At the hen party, it was cookies and a homemade personal chicken pot pie. Nobody walks out of my house empty-handed.
Some themes are built around a craft instead. For a garden party, the ladies pre-purchased the foam salon heads. I supplied the starter plants, paint, and brushes, plus a charcuterie board and the signature drink. Guests painted their creations and added earrings and headscarves. Then they scooped out the brains and planted a small pot in each one. Super cute.
I keep my circle small on purpose. When it comes to friendship, I’m generally “team too much.” Hosting is a big part of my personality, and I got the DNA from my mother. It gives my intense personality somewhere to land in a positive way. I tell people the same thing every time. Don’t come to my house unless you have the right attitude. Fun, and ready to laugh with your full voice. It’s all about being comfortable in your own skin and being around people who are happy to let you do exactly what you want to do.
I’m planning the next one now. A winter soup tasting, to get ready for the cold. It’s indoors, with only 5 guests, moving from the living room to the salon to the kitchen to the den. Each soup gets its own crackers, bread, or breadsticks to match its vibe. The recipes go home in the gift bags. If you know you’re on the list, start thinking about your soup spoon.
If you threw a theme party tomorrow, what would your theme be? Tell me in the comments.
